Trampoline

It seems trampolines make the silly Earthlings peaceful. Perhaps this is because it defies gravity. I urge all of you to jump often as possible.

Flying

At a meeting, my associates on Zort demand I experiment with finding a method that allows the silly Earthlings to fly. They can go up a couple of inches then head back down to the ground. I devised an object shaped like an umbrella that pushes gravity into the sky. Unfortunately the gravity only moves an inch. I am revising the object and will provide an update soon.

Stop Working for Peanuts

I see too many struggling to make ends meet. Why can't the silly Earthlings make $100 an hour? I almost understand working for low wages if the work is fascinating. But even fascinating can be turned into $100 an hour with plenty of effort. At our next meeting on Zort let's work on helping the silly Earthlings make at least $100 an hour.

I Can!

Too many Silly Earthlings start a sentence with, "I can't..." Nonsense. Why stop yourself with silly excuses? I never see this on my home planet Zort.

Say, "I can..." and you will achieve it all. I say, " I can fly" and look, I am on Earth, flying all the way from Zort. What can you accomplish?

Travel

Amazing that silly Earthlings cheerily travel to boring locations on Earth. Why bother when other planets and dimensions provide fantastic experiences? I believe the silly Earthlings can learn to fly.

Read the Computer Manuals!

Click anywhere on the computer screen with a mouse when the silly Earthlings cannot figure out how to use a program. Why can't the silly Earthlings read the manuals? Software companies provide plenty of help files yet the silly Earthlings complain about impossible programs. Another contradiction from this species, good grief. It's really not that hard to study the documentation. When stuck for a solution, type the problem into a search engine and out pops the answer.

Energy Reduction

Some believe that we must reduce our energy consumption. Great then keep the lights off permanently. A fire produces all the light needed for the silly Earthlings.

Kissing

I watch in horror as the silly Earthlings kiss each other even though these filthy mouths transfer diseases to each other. Why the surprise when the silly Earthlings get sick? The silly Earthlings must refrain from kissing each other to stop spreading diseases.

Blue Jeans

I fail to understand the appeal of blue jeans. The material is flimsy and the pants are uncomfortable. No one admits this fact causing the silly Earthlings to suffer. How sad.

Avoid Sand

Sand keeps the ocean from taking over the planet. The silly Earthlings feel righteous about walking and then sitting on the sand. Nonsense. Sand causes cancer, heart disease and migraines.

President Obama

Since President Obama's origin remains questionable, I must clarify that President Obama is not from the planet Zort.

Dropped Ghosts

The entities in another dimension finally communicated to me the meaning of their rant, "qradoooozaaaaahhhn rapusahhhh kalaboriotesopaaaaah ruffffff kappppaazzzzzz." Ghosts are not leftovers from the dead. Rather ghosts accidentally got dropped onto Earth. The entities in another dimension want me to return the ghosts. How can I send the ghosts back to another dimension?

Reduce Spam

Lots of silly Earthings complain about too much spam. A simple solution is to open a new email account from hotmail, yahoo, gmail, or anywhere you do not have an account. Then use this email address when you are not 100 percent sure that person you send an email is legitimate. When you get too many spam messages just delete the account.

Language Question

Entities in another dimension keep attempting communcation with me. The language is, "qradoooozaaaaahhhn rapusahhhh  kalaboriotesopaaaaah ruffffff kappppaazzzzzz." Any of you know what this means?

Dishonesty at Work

I notice the silly Earthlings honest in their personal lives and dishonest at work. The false premise that anything is acceptable in business makes me want to leave Earth, fly to Zort and never return.

Why can't the silly Earthlings practice the same honesty at work they use at home?

Thin Earthings Can Help Others Lose Weight

Get skinny Earthlings to buy the food for those overweight and the world is filled with thin Earthlings. I doubt the overweight Earthlings will drive to get fattening food after arriving at home for the evening.

Splitting Earthlings in Half Update

The raducuptors that split the fat Earthlings in half made their brains function at low capacity. We have updated the raducuptors to make the minds function properly and are taking steps to fix the Earthlings that were processed by the raducuptors.

Warped Buildings

Every building I see on Earth is warped. I am amazed these buildings refuse to tumble. The warping develops from gravity pushing the buildings into the Earth.

I  recommend moving the buildings at least one foot into the air to prevent warping.

Draw

Make the silly Earthlings draw. It reduces stress, violence and cholesterol. I encounter too many that fiercely believe they cannot draw. Nonsense. Pop two circles on a piece of paper and a work of art emerges.

I propose we provide free classes for all the silly Earthlings.

Emotional Drivers

I notice drivers darting between cars and passing relentlessly only to get stopped by the next red light. This makes no sense. This is another example of emotional behavior running out of control from silly Earthlings.

A Visit to Mars

I flew to Mars today scrutinizing the life forms. I need to see how other entities survive in this solar system to compare them with the silly Earthlings.

Only a few thousand entities reside half a mile below the surface of Mars. The bodies are thin and wide, 2 feet tall and 5 feet wide, with enormous mouths, great for consuming the long rocks.

The entities on Mars dance and engage in erotic encounters three fourths of the time, more than the silly Earthlings. Consequently the Mars entities rarely get violent because of learning from a major war 103,284 years ago when 95 percent of the population was killed from weapons of mass destruction. After the war, the weapons were banished to the barren planet Saturn.

I am working on a device that will transport the silly, violent Earthlings to Mars for brief visits and will soon provide more details.

Popping Pills

I cannot understand the silly Earthling's love affair with pills. I question the silly Earthlings about taking pills and they scream at me. I then explain a side effect of popping pills is anger. I get more screams. 

Never giving up, I provide an example. If your cholesterol rates need to come down, stop eating processed foods and exercise. Your cholesterol levels reduce allowing you to toss your pills in the trash. Sometimes the message gets through but often I get even more screams.

I cannot imagine a reason for anyone to take pills under any circumstance. Why bother?

Business Owners Are Flat

My experience with the silly Earthlings that run businesses? They are flat. All they comprehend is making money in contrast to the multidimensional composition of Earth. Consequently business owners lack depth and make ignorant decisions that harm this round planet. The only solution I see is to immediately shut down all businesses to preserve the Earth.

Media Lies

The media manipulates the silly Earthlings. Stories with absoultely no truth are believed by the masses which I find amazing. A reporter may buy a video made by actors/actresses and yet it is published on the air.

I can hire actors/actresses, fly them down to Beliez and film them invading Mexico. Convince the locals it is real and the media reports a war developing in Mexico. The silly Earthlings fall for this type of reporting.

The only way to know if the media reports accurately is conduct your own investigation. Go to Mexico and see if a war is developing. Otherwise the silly Earthlings get fooled repeatedly.

Planet Earth Was Dropped

I flew around this galaxy and discovered the Earth located in the wrong solar system. Somehow the ingredients to form this planet were dropped and landed near the sun we all see.

A lot of problems are caused as a result.
1. Too much gravity prevents the silly Earthlings and other entities from flying.
2. Sleeping. No other planet makes species tired.
3. An unstable planet causing earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes.

Unless the Earth can be relocated, these problems will remain. How sad.

Help the Silly Earthlings Lose Weight

I see too many fat Earthlings on this planet. Pop raducuptors next to teller machines that will split the fat Earthlings in half. The result? Two skinny Earthlings.

Stop Worthless Activities Now

What pushes the silly Earthlings to juggle many chores? Run all the time and then complain there's never enough time. Can we teach the silly Earthlings to live like we do on the planet Zort? Dance and engage in erotic encounters all the time.

A Violent Species

Nearly everyone I meet enjoys violence. Screaming at someone who makes a harmless comment. Persecutions. Waging war. I watch my words to avoid confrontations. Take all the weapons and export them to Zort then rearrange the silly Earthling's brains making it impossible for them to engage in violence.

Why Work?

I notice that a handful of billionaires collect most of the wealth while everyone else scrambles for the remaining scraps. Rather than working at low paying jobs, suppose we build environmentally efficient homes for the silly Earthlings allowing them to live off the land?                                                                                                                                                            

How to Help the Silly Earthlings Become Wealthy

I notice Earthlings expect to become wealthy someday. Yet they work at jobs that pay peanuts and spend their free time playing games, watching movies and other nonsense that makes no money. I call them on this contradiction, explaining they need to spend most of their time making money or investing and they give me flimsy excuses to not make money.

Is this a brain malfunction? A defective gene? May we haul all the silly Earthlings to planet Zort and run them through our defrigulator? Let's discuss this at our next meeting.